When I got up this morning the first thing I did was check my phone ( I really need to stop doing that) and I had a messages from my siblings, friends, husband, and THE BABY MOMMA….We really don’t speak or talk on the regular so I automatically went into “something must be wrong with the child mode”. So I checked the text and to my relief the child was fine so my mood changed from worried to irritated as I continue to read the text. I should have known better than to think “hey maybe she has some act right and wants to actually build a productive relationship for the child’s sake” for even a split second. No one ever really understands the emotional distress that a step parent goes through when the two biological parents are not the greatest at co-parenting. It’s like being a referee in a fight where none of your calls matter.
The unstable baby monsters of the world have no idea who all they are affecting with their actions. It is damn near impossible to please anyone who doesn’t know what they want. They want you to get the child but only when it’s convenient for them, pay for items only when they don’t want to spend their money, communicate but only when they can control what’s being put out and received. They expect the father to bend to whatever they say because they hold the power (the child)….I can only imagine the frustration the father must feel dealing with the foolishness it is quite sad. Now being a wife to a man that has to deal with this is also frustrating. I deal with mood swings even when I know it has nothing to do with me, I have to reassure him when he’s feeling defeated, I try to create a happiness for a voided space that I can not fill.
Being a step parent is not an ideal role at least not for me. The role we play has blurred boundaries and that can be very difficult. When is it okay to give your opinion? When are you suppose to care? Our task is have unconditional love for the child and be a support system for the parents yes I said PARENTS!!! How do you be supportive in a broken system? I truly wanted to be the step parent where I can show up to school/sporting events and show up when the other parent could not (and it was that way for a brief moment) but how can one keep being understanding when the baby monster isn’t a rational being? Trying to forge a relationship with a child who’s being persuaded by negative energy is definitely a task not for the weak. When the disrespect for my husband started is when I drew the line for being understanding one thing I do not deal with is disrespectful (mainly because I’m hella respectful) and when it comes to my family all bets are off. I get it that you are mad that your little family didn’t work out in the way that you thought it should, you may even be a little bitter that you feel that you chose the wrong person to have a child with but none of that has anything to do with the well being of the child.
I just want all the baby monsters to know that step parents matter too. Just because we did not birth the child doesn’t mean we love or care any less. Things would be so much easier if you just accepted the extra help if you have a step parent in your life who wants to be there for the child. I know you get tired of trying to do it all alone and you need a break too, swallow your pride and that bitter sense of defeat or failure that you feel because your family doesn’t look the way you thought it should and embrace that step parent it could do wonders for you. This is coming from a step parent that cares. Like always….Peace, Light, and Love ❤️
Wanda